A Game Of Moans

You might think that finding yourself living a fantasy epic would be pretty cool. Let me tell, you; it gets old, fast!

When I started up in my most recent role only a few weeks ago I thought to myself, "what a nice bunch of guys". The commute (nearly two hours each way) was crap, and the pay wasn't much better but at least the people I'd be working with were a decent bunch; which from past experience goes a long way towards making a job workable. I was wrong though. So so wrong.

I can't believe I fell for it!

In my defense though, it does stagger  belief to think that so many conflicting personalities and agendas could be crammed into such a small office. At least in Game of Thrones they had a whole continent to work with! Here we're talking little beyond 25 square feet. Still, for its size, it seems to have harnessed quite a collection of volatile personalities.

Each personality with it's own agenda, and more than a fistful of gripes and snipes for all the people in the very same, small and sinking boat

As much as they're all in this for themselves however; their selfishness does not preclude them striking together like a pack of hyenas picking off the weak and wounded in activity that falls nothing short of bullying. The victim of which has now left the company.

As you can well imagine, adjusting to such an environment has been rather a lot to take in, and keeping one eye on your back with the other on your work at all times is exhausting. Not to mention the difficulty in having to deal daily with behavior that I find highly reprehensible.

So what to do?

Well, I could take the official route and direct my concerns towards management. It is however the lack of authority in the little management that we have that has allowed the pack to run wild; as I have no doubt that they too have seen what I have seen. They just can't do anything about it, being both outnumbered and inexperienced.

I could seek to best the pack at their own game. I have no doubt that I could, but what would that really achieve? I'd end up dragging myself through the muck in the gutter, and I'd be no better than they are. So, not really a viable choice.

No, what I have decided is that the best role in a situation mirroring the Game of Thrones universe, if a role must be played at all, is that of the reader / viewer. That is understanding that just because I can see into this world; I don't have to become a part of it, or allow it to become a part of me.

That is only a band-aid though, and I know it.

Being in this environment for the short time I have has already taken a swipe at my health, and I have to admit I am finding it hard to write and concentrate at the moment. Even stringing together simple sentences is difficult. With getting as far as I have with writing this current post taking well over two hours! That's ridiculous. Ridiculous, and not good!

Nil desperandum

I'm not giving up though. I never give up, and when things get tough; well I just push harder.

So I've hit the job search hard today, and made a pact with myself. One that I feel pretty certain will help me push on when times are hard. The pact is that if I don't have a better job by the time expo (the UK Games Expo) comes round, then I don't get to go.. And I want to go! Also no buying board games until things pick up either. Even post expo.

It might seem unusual to some people to sanction yourself when what you really need is support; but I prefer to think of it as tough love. I need a focus, so I'm giving myself one. Something I can look forward to if I achieve my goal, as opposed to something I have to reflect upon every working day that my goal goes unrealised.

Here's to making expo happen this year!