Wednesday, 15 February 2017

Anthrax & Biscuits

As an aside to my previous post, I did receive a rather bizarre parcel this morning. Biscuits.

This is bizarre because, well, I didn't order any biscuits. I wasn't alone though. My neighbor got biscuits. My neighbors neighbor got biscuits. It seems everyone in the area received a small yellow box containing sealed packets of BelVita breakfast biscuits.

Which leaves me with a bit of a quandry. Do you eat food randomly left for you?

Normally the answer would be, "Hell no! Are you f*****g crazy!?"; but I did catch on the news this morning something about it being random acts of kindness week, or day. One of the two. So, if ever there was a day of the year to receive a suspicious package; and not be overly suspicious, it would be today.

However, given the choice; poisoning seems like a particularly unimpressive way to go. I make a similar assessment when crossing the road. If I get hit by a car, will it at least be a badass; because having an epitaph that reads, "Taken by a Smart Car" isn't the memorial I want! It's not that I mind dying. We all have to go sometime. It's just that I'm adverse to being taken out in a way that I'd be embarrassed by.. Not that I'll be worrying about it I suppose.

Anyhow, given that I'd sooner not be poisoned; I need a way of testing the mystery goods prior to consumption.. And would you believe it, I left my top secret lab in my other bunker!

So, no lab.. But I do have a few lab rats. If I leave it a few days, someone is bound to take a bite; and if something is off, I'm sure it'll make the news.. Hmmm, I may have missed the point of random acts of kindness week / day.

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